Rest In Peace, !E

Rest In Peace, !E
I miss you already.

You were the Empress of Life
You were the light of Love
You lived your life to fullest
You lived your life to joy

Rest In Peace, !E
I miss you already.



Only Death is permanent.

People can think that I’m dramatic. Heck, as if I care. The only thing on my mind and in my heart right now is you’re no longer here.

It’s hard in life to find a person you can talk to, can laugh with, and share and talk freely about your thoughts, opinions and emotions to.

It’s been a good journey knowing you. It’s been a fun year with you shared your time with me.

I chatted with you a lot but never noticed you have Bruce Lee as your avatar. I’ve never paid attention to anything…including that. The last chat conversation you sent which I didn’t reply: May 2 @ 6:05 PM: dinner yet? Com hen 0?

And now when I log on, I see kvu2211 is not available to chat.

It hit me hard. Knowing that I lost a very good friend. I lost someone who genuinely cared about me, who wanted to hang out with me, who wanted to spend time with me.

I shut down when anh Son told me the news. I started shaking. My hand squeezed on tight on the wheel. I felt my emotions shut down as pain penetrated its way into my heart. I drove. I kept on driving. I smiled. I started to smile to conceal what I felt inside. I didn’t know what it was but it got me. I knew it got me because I couldn’t feel anything except pain. I didn’t even think pain was even a word for it. “Oh, God, it hurts. My heart hurts.” That was all I knew to how to describe it. I’ve been saying those seven words the past three days now. I said them over and over again but it didn’t go away. It hurts badly.

I wished I could cry the past days. I wished I could let it all out. But now I want it to stop. I can’t stop crying now. Tears, one by one keep, on falling…and like a robot, I keep on typing. Maybe, this is it. Typing my pain away.

I can still hear you calling me “Tám.” I can still hear you laughing. I can still see you in your white benzi, stopped, I hopped on and we go to go to dinner together. I can us at Marshall and how you make fun of me of the hats I tried on. How you laughed when you saw me turned green in 24 hours fitness. How you laughed when I told you things, what we said and happened at Chuồng Heo. You wanted to know everything about VsF. How you laughed when you saw me dropped my ring in tô bún mắm and then picked it up, mút it and wear it again.

My heart clenched. It hurts. You were a very close friend. You took care of me. You were like a brother to me. You were there for me at one of the lowest points in my life.

I miss you. I really do.

It’s funny how you can go on for days, thinking nothing about the person because in your heart, in your mind, you’re so sure that they are doing well without your presence. Then days turned into months, and then you realized they’re still a part of you even though they’re not there. You go on living and didn’t realize the importance of a phone call or a text or “hi, how are you doing?” You didn’t realize the life you lead carries you away from people. You become self-absorbed. You think about yourself and your immediate family and not the long lost friends who were there for you when you needed care/love the most.

The last time I was in the car with you, you were listening to Jason Mraz. I told you that I just downloaded the CD too. I liked “I’m Yours” and you liked “Lucky”. We talked a bit about that, how I used to like the song but not anymore. You laughed when I told you my reasons. You never fought with me. You just laughed.

I was lucky, knowing you, being your friend.

Whenever I hear this song playing, I’ll think of you, anh Kha.

Only Memories live on.

Rest in peace.

Have you ever dreamt

Have you ever dreamt

a lazuline dream…

…is vast
vast but established
established but flexible
flexible to bend
bent but not broken
not broken to encompass
encompass nothing
nothing but love
love is …

to think, to miss, to see, to…wish
that I could be more real than just this?*

close your eyes and whisper my name
I’ll be by your side
… in those sweet lazuline dreams.


Have you ever


have you ever?

Have you ever imagined
What is it to be like
To travel to the end of the earth
And see the horizon bathing in the ocean’s thirst?

Have you ever wanted
To hold the world in your hands
And trace your fingers along its edge
As you close your eyes and breathe in its wonderfulness?

Have you ever wondered
Why memory rushes to be old
And chases its existence to your mind’s impasse
Like the tiny grains trickle to the bottom of the hourglass?

Have you ever desired
For a love that would last forever
Even though, in your heart you know,
Every second you live is Time that you borrowed?

Have you ever dreamt

Honey, let’s play

found this in the old stack files. says it was modified on Thursday, August 19, 2004 2:01 PM. must had written it a week or two before.

also found the last 2 lines of a poem on a pix…wonder where the rest is…