I woke up in the middle of the night, through the dim light on my desk, I saw my mother holding Lilo and gently stroking her fur. For the first time in two weeks, I saw Lilo stayed quite when being held, being petted, being touched. She fell asleep in my mom’s hands. Gentle. Peaceful. Calm.

Seeing my mom sitting on the floor and petting Lilo touched my heart. I have never seen that softer side of her. Caring. Loving. Warm.

I wonder if one day I have children, will I be gentle and loving like my mother?

I found myself wake up 2 in the morning and again at 4 just to put a blanket on her so she could stay warm. When she calls me in the middle of the night beside my bed, I would be up, hold her and play with her for a bit then put her back to her crate. I found myself care for her food and water and make sure that she eats. I would sit next to her watching her eating her meals, because if I got up and leave, she would follow me and ignore her meal.

Everyone in the family says that Lilo loves me, but little do they know, she also loves teething, especially with my fingers. My hands and arms got scratched but I don’t mind. I love playing with Lilo, running around the house with her, petting her, combing her fur, and playing tug war.

I wonder if one day I have children, will I be good to them? Will I be gentle? Will I take care of them as good as a mother should? I don’t know.

Too many uncertainties in the future. Too much worrying for the uncertainties. Right now: One step at a time.

while watching a movie with daddy tonite, there’s a part in the movie about marriage and money.

Daddy’s girl: bố ơi, bố có bao giờ bán con hông? (daddyyyy, would you ever sell me for money?)

Daddy: không. không bao giờ. (No. Never. )

Daddy’s girl: Thiệt hả? (really?)

Daddy:  Ừ. Ai cũng chết. Tiền bạc không có ý nghĩa. Hạnh phúc là trên hết. Biết giữ hạnh phúc hay không là chuyện khác. (Yes. Everyone dies. Money means nothing. Happiness is above everything. Knowing how to keep that happiness is another thing. )

Yup! that’s my daddy. the only man in this world that i look up to. i love him so much that i want to cry just the thought of not being close to him. Yes, i’m my daddy’s little girl. he loves me a lot. a whole lot. he would never trade us (my brother and i)  for anything in this world, including his life. he spoils us, especially me. he is such a wonderful daddy for he has being taking care of us to the fullest needs that a human being wants: emotionally, financially, mentally and physically. he is such a wonderful daddy for he is my daddy. and my daddy is the best daddy in the whole wide world.

i really want to write about him like i did before. you know how he’s treating me, how much he loves me. but no. i guess i’m a bit older. i no longer see things that way. all iknow now is how much i love him.

being the best daddy in the whole wide world is not an easy task. you have to love unconditionally and to forgive. my daddy is aging now. people often ask us why don’t we let him go to work since he is only 57. our (my brother and i) reply is “no, it’s time for us to take care of him” He has never complaint about us. He has never yelled at us nor hit us. if we do wrong, he would tell us (not lecturing but heartly telling us) His love for me is everything that i want in this world. it hurts just to think that one day he might not be with me. it makes me want to cry. i don’t know why. i really want to write about my feelings, about him and how great he is as a daddy to me. but the words fail me. they fail me big time. for i don’t know how or where to begin. i just want to say “hi dadddyyyy” when i got home from work or from school everyday. i just want to hug him 3 times a day or more if he let me. i want to hear his voice jokingly cuss at me “bố mày” (your father) everytime i hug him. i want to race home from work everyday for lunch and for dinner because he would cook soup for me. he cooks everyday because he wants the dish we eat to be hot and fresh. he would go and buy food at the market just because we say we like it. he would wash the cars for us without us asking. he would change the oil…and even do laundry. we talk about everything. i ask him questions about life, school, work and even relationship. he would tell me like it is. he would give me the best advices. that’s my daddy. he takes a great care of us. i really want to write about him but i don’t know how or where to start to write down the feeling. i love him so much that i don’t think i would move or live far away from him at all. it just hurts and pains me if i have to be away from him. even just in thoughts.

so for this entry, my words fail me. it’s something that i feel greatly inside and yet can’t describe in words. i guess there’s certain feelings that one feels more than it could be described. i guess there’s certain kind of love that not enough words in the world could write about. could praise about. not enough. it’s the kind of love that my daddy gives me. the kind that i for daddy. he’s the most wonderful daddy ever!!!

i am greatly blessed for a daddy like mine. just greatly blessed. i love you much, daddy. gotta go and hug him now <3

I found parents who discipline their children by spanking or hitting are the most pathetic barbarous people ever breathe on the face of the earth. It’s one of the classic examples of bullying, and the worst part is the child doesn’t even have a chance to defend or run away.

Went to dinner at my aunt’s house and witnessed my cousin’s husband ”disciplined” his son, who is 2.5 years of age, because the child didn’t want to eat. this barbaric man was forcing his son to eat by jamming the spoon of rice into his mouth while yelling: “You better eat dinner or I’ll hit you!” Alvin, my nephew, was crying his lungs out, choking on his own tears, and gasping for air. The father took the chopstick and start hitting on the child’s legs. My parents, uncle, aunt, and i were shocked. We told him not to force Alvin to eat or hit him and leave him alone to cry because no one can eat under a terror situation while crying and obviously we can’t eat while witnessing the act of devil this guy doing. His wife said nothing and he had the audacity telling us “the more anyone interfering the way i discipline my chilren, the more the child is going to get hit.” We were beyond upset but had shut our opinions for the child’s shake. To top this situation off, he showed some affections to Alvin by holding him and asked: “Was it hurt when i hit you?” and i thought: what a fake, if i use a stick to hit you, would it hurt?

i grew up with the belief of discipline without punishments or hitting/spanking. love and affection would do the trick, all the time! my parents have never hit or spanked me.. they’ve never raised their voice, they always use calm tone to talk to us, my older brother and i. in my family, we always joke around, having fun, making fun of one another. we’re occasionally grouchy but always end up ok. i remember one time i did something really bad, i saw my father sighed and my brother cried but they didn’t yell at me. they gently told me how disappointed they were and shared with me their words of wisdom. that hurt me more than any physical damages.

love is the best weapon that my family is using against my rebellious way. everytime i was about to do something (bad or wrong) the first thought was: would i disappoint my family? will i hurt them in any ways? the fear of hurting them emotionally and mentally is far worse than the fear of going home and get spanked/hit physically. i grew up in love and not in fear.  that is the best blessing i have in life.