do i believe?

Finding myself awake and broken
Do I believe in what I see?
The picture was painted so perfectly
I should believe…in what I see

Pumping the engine …
…to turn the motionless wheel
Yes, it is Time that we steal
Do you believe in what you see?
Because a part of me
…begs to agree

How true is it to Love?
How true is it to Life?
or are we just living a lie?
It’s in your heart and it’s mine
We fight for what we can’t deny
The beauty of Love, magic of Life
and the unexplainable desires

I do believe in what I see
in the engine of the Heart
and the motion of Life
in live life to its fullest
by pursuing one’s heart’s desires

i just want to curl up and hide in a place where nothingness exists. i realize that i’ve everything but lost a lot, so i cry with a smile on my face. such a strange place and stage i’m in right now. the push and the pull. i know that in order to find my peace of mind, i need to put things into perspective. but how? i started counting how many friends i still have. i started to count my blessings. i started to hold on to every emotions i feel. i feel tired. very tired. three friends in four months is too much for me to handle.  my heart aches. i don’t think i can take much any longer. i feel like everything is on hold right now. right now, i want to pull the duvet over my head and just fall asleep. but i can’t.

my heart hurts.