It’s sad that he went away.  It’s sad that he will not come back.  It’s sad that I’ve never met him–met the real “Catcher”, the real Holden.

Just two days ago, I was planning that this August, I would go to New Hampshire and visit the man, whose book I read four times over the past decade, whose book has been a part of my growing.

I first read The Catcher in the Rye in early spring 1999 because an old on-line friend of mine introduced me to it, Timo (I love that name, it’s short for Timothy).  He said the book changed his life; and so there I was, looking for something to change my life, at age 17.  I remembered one day, in the homeroom period, a freshman asked me what the book was about.  I told him jokingly, “It’s about a teenager and a hooker.”  My English teacher cried out, “No, it’s not.”  Bad, wasn’t I? But who cares. I know I didn’t.  At that time, I’d realized people are not what/whom they seem to be. They sugar-coat themselves and put on the parade for the world to see. I was not an outcast in high school, but I didn’t want to fit in. I was me. Myself. Like Holden. Surrounded by thousand people; related to none (or maybe didn’t even want to relate.) I found myself in Holden’s character, a self-absorbed, self-preservation person, and by God, I love it!  That was why I like the book from its very first long ass sentence; and Mr. Salinger was right, that bio crap stuff would bore me.

So I read the book over and over again, to find me, whenever I felt lost or whenever I wanted to make a turn in my life. The book tells me that I don’t need no outward directions, it’s the inward voice that leads me to where I want to go and who I want to be.  That voice gets lost in the noisy lousy world sometimes.  So I look for the Holden to remind me to look inwardly for the strength and courage to shield myself from the noise of the outside world because growing up is hard—too damn hard.

Personally, I had never known the author, Mr. Salinger, but I’ve always loved Holden.  I’ve never read any of this other books, although Franny and Zooey is on my list. It was sad to find out that he’s passed away yesterday. I wanted to cry.  It gives a sudden void knowing that he’s gone. It’s a loss for me because I’ve never had a chance to meet him.

Rest in peace, Mr. Salinger.  Rest assured that Holden will live on.

(1/1/1910-1/27/2010)