i haven’t felt like this in a long time. i mean i hadn’t seen him for a couple of months due to work work work. I started to let my feelings go. i started to wonder. my feelings were about to draw blank. knowing that i love him and yet missing something. but i always have this strange feeling every time i see him at the airport. just kinna wanna let go. afraid to fall in love again. that tingling feeling. frighteningly wonderful. am i in love? yes. but falling…one fabulous feeling. it’s wondrous. yes. every time i see him. fallin’ in love all over again.i love the feeling of holding him in my arms and being held again. i love hearing that unfamiliar voice, face, body which i always long for. just odd but awesome.

i remember the first time i ever saw him. we acted like we were on the phone still. he was talking to me and i zoned out. completely. i remember me being stranger to him because i couldn’t put his presence and his voice together. i had to close my eyes and listened to that voice. the familiar vocal. warm. soft. lovingly. then the hello? are you there? can you hear me? cracked us up. we laughed so hard because we realized we’re no longer on the phone. the proximity is frighteningly fearful because there’s the voice i love and yet i can also reach out and touch him. strange desire. odd thoughts. warm feelings.

so i did crack like an egg seeing him leaving on the plane again. it’s been a year. our meetings are numbered and yet our conversations are countless. long distance relationship isn’t that bad. just the separated parts, where i have to take him to the airport his leaving and he for mine. i cried a lot this time. i felt awkward myself. i’m usually one tough cookie. but yes. i cracked like an egg. oh yes i did.

so there, some good parts and some ugly. i like the feelings being with him. seeing him laugh. the image is more vivid now. we took pictures together, which is odd because i’d never taken any pix with people i date. but i did. with him now. first time. awesome. yes. pix or no pix, i do hold him and his images dearly in my heart. always.