Growing up

Growing up real fast if you’re moving away from your core.

It took us 4 days and 3 nights to arrive in TX.  We stopped at white sand and the caverns.  They are beautiful.  We liked it but not so much of the drive.  We learned how to read reviews and more reviews.  Learned to look at houses, apartments and most of all, to follow our instincts.

I remember how I felt the rush of happiness when I put on the ring at the store, that’s when I knew it’s the one.  I felt happiness when I saw him sitting in the Hot Lava, (yes, it’s orange) instead of the Black Currant; and that’s when we knew it’s the one. We drove the baby to to here.  It was a smooth ride.  We love it! We felt happy when we walked into this house.  We signed the paper. No more searching.

So here we are.  Smack in the middle of nowhere, and yet it nears big chains and department stores.  I’ve been here for 11 days.  We’ve been gone from CA for 2 weeks now.  Karen said it feels like I’m on vacation to her.  It hasn’t registered yet that I’m no longer working there.  How can it not be?  My last day was the emergency campus shut down.  My last day didn’t happen at SAC and I, I didn’t have a chance to say proper good bye.  And how can it not be when I’ll be back on the 24th and working as sub on the 29th?  Too many changes in too little time.

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Last night, he asked me to stay a bit longer, even just a couple of days more with him.  Twice he asked me to stay and not going back to CA.  Twice he expressed he wished I could stay.  Today he reiterated that at anytime, I do not like CA or my sub job, or even feeling stressed out, then come and be with him.  Any time.

I know he doesn’t want me to go.  I don’t want to leave.
But Lilo, parents, anh B…my family.

…………………………………………………………..♥♥♥…………………….

He is family now. or so, he will be.  I realized that he is home.  Things seem right with him. Just right.  yea, just right.

When asked, he replied “I don’t think, baby. I just know.”

question of the night

How did your last century on earth blossom?

do not fear a blank page

He’s been gone for a week and a half.

I feel like I have nothing to write about it.

I know he’ll be back soon.  It hasn’t been hard but it’s been odd.  I’ve been sick ever since he’s gone.  103.2 fever for a couple of days.  I was crawling in and out of my bed, taking nyquil…until I couldn’t even tell if it was day or night.

I’m over it now…

but the nasty cough is still lingering.

Naturally, I would write for the life of me.  It gives me sanity.  I haven’t written.  I feel like I’m loosing it.

loosing what?

I’m back for my 300 hours yoga teacher training.  I’ve been teaching.  It’s been good.  I need to do more yoga.

The wedding is eight months away and I haven’t prepared.

Things will manifest themselves.

and so I keep on telling myself that.

gratitude

Certain things seen like they are standing still.  Stagnant. I am not very fond with being stagnant. However, it does seem like things that I would like to manifest are coming to surface.  Well maybe…

I have a peaceful and lovely life right now.  I am glad that I am sharing it with him.  Things sure have their moment but he is calm and collected. He is giving and patient.  That is hard to find…for me. He also is very supportive of my journey. I sometimes doubt if I am worthy of such journey.

Meditation. I haven’t done much lately.  I can’t say that I promise…of which I fail but I do my best.  Yoga is the answer for me right now.  For everything in my life that is standing still, this path seems to open up and it does  It does feel peaceful and serene.

“what you seek is seeking you” – Rumi

…surrender to the beauty of what has yet to come

a becoming…

becoming is a big word and I feel like I am a big girl now. One thing I’ve learned and admired one of my dear friends is the fact she said that she is more concerning about her progress of working on herself as a person.  I often say that growing up is hard and being a kind person is harder.

I am learning to be kind to myself.

Out beyond ideas Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies in that grass, the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.

– Rumi

I want to meet myself out in that field.  I will meet myself out in that field …and then lie down in that grass.

It will be grand.  It will be.